There are those who believe in the 'Rapture' prophesied in the Bible.
And there is Joshua Witter (above), an avowed atheist.
They need each other.
Well, at least those willing to pay Witter to be their post-apocalyptic postman, delivering cards and letters to their non-believing friends, relatives and neighbors who will be left behind when the 'Day of Reckoning' arrives.
About 70 people have already paid the Orlando man about $5 apiece to get their messages to those doomed to face the plagues, pestilence and darkness of Armageddon.
As sure as these 'True Believers' are that they will escape this earth when the 'Rapture' arrives, Witter is just as certain that he will be left behind to deliver their mail. He has even committed blasphemy to make sure.
"Anyway you look at it, I'm screwed. It's too late for me," said Witter, a 24-year-old computer software engineer who wears long sideburns and hip black-framed glasses.
Witter started his website - postrapturepost.com - as a joke; a satiric jab at those who see things like the swine flu, economic collapse and the election of a liberal president as sure signs that the end is near.
But then he started receiving orders for his merchandise. Since 2005, Witter said he has sold more than 200 items, most of them T-shirts and coffee mugs, and many of those to friends and fellow atheists.
Among the best sellers are the line of I-Told-You-So cards, which sell for $8. Some of those who ordered the cards - Witter suspects they are not true Christians - are willing to pay extra to have them sent early as Christmas cards.
Witter doesn't have a stack of cards or letters with Post-Rapture messages in a dresser drawer or safety deposit box. All the messages are stored in his computer, encrypted to protect their privacy and backed up by a fail-safe system. His website might be all in jest, but when it comes to his paying customers, Witter is a responsible entrepreneur. He doesn't share the contents of the messages with his friends over beers, or mock those who take this whole end-of-the-world business seriously.
He does concede, however, that delivering on his promise to hand-deliver the cards and letters entrusted to him may be difficult. Witter has read all the books of the popular "Left Behind" series, so he knows what to expect. Covered with boils, he will have to fight his way through perpetual darkness, clouds of insects, and meteors falling from the sky to deliver the mail.
"Your hope lies with me. I am your mailman," he vows. "I'll do my best, come Hell or high water, to deliver those letters."
On the other hand, should the so-called 'Rapture' not arrive in his lifetime, he gets to keep the money, which he promises to use to subsidize his sinful lifestyle.
And don't even think about asking him to forward a message from the future for free.
"I turn people away who ask for free letters," he said. "I'm not a charity."
[LMAO!!!]
By Jeff Kunerth | Sentinel Staff Writer (with a few grammar improvements by yours truly)
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